BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE WEDNESDAY JAN. 14, 2026) — This evening, Bitchfield citizens will be serenaded by the dulcet sounds of the city’s Sochol Committee, whose No. 1 hit “I Wanna Hold Your Scandal” still tops the charts of this $125 million exercise in educational futility. This hullaballoo […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE MONDAY JAN. 12, 2026) — Have you noticed, as THE PLANET has, the “diverse” makeup of most ICE blockers? It shouldn’t surprise anyone to learn that the recently-christened “late” Renee Good and her “wife” (of course, right?) epitomize one of the types: white, female, […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION, JAN. 9-11, 2026) — Ciara Batory, new member of the Bitchfield Sochol Committee, filed a petition during the board’s first meeting. Yeah, she got out of the gates fast. Anticipating the move and desperately trying to keep the lid on a […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE MONDAY JAN. 5, 2026) — Monday at 10 a.m., Hypocrisy Hall on Allen Street played host to the semiannual Black Mass known as Inauguration Day. The coven included the swearing in of incoming officeholders, both newbies and the experienced swindlers otherwise known as incumbents. […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY JAN. 5, 2026) — Legitimate pursuit of U.S. interests or a gross violation of international law? President Donald Trump’s kidnapping of Venezuela’s president and drug king, Nicolas Maduro, has become a litmus test on political ideology, with praise and criticism falling pretty much […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, NEW YEAR’S EVE EDITION, 2025) — THE PLANET shall keep this one nice and tidy. It’s the end of the year in three days, this coming Thursday, and we close out our scribbling until 2026. The next edition of THE PLANET shall be on […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE THE WEEKEND EDITION, DEC. 26, 2025) — Today THE PLANET presents a guest column by freelance writer Dod Grile, a San Franciscan known for his acerbic but honest observations about the human species and his passions for the San Francisco Giants. He knew Willie […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS 2025) — On Christmas Eve, allow THE PLANET to extend, and be ye gracious to accept, our sincere and heartfelt best wishes for this holiday season. Christmas marks the traditional celebration of the birth of Jesus to Mary and Joseph […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE MONDAY DEC. 22, 2025) — Recently, THE PLANET witnessed a political argument—actually, an idle discussion— with loon left and rabid right talking AT and not TO each other over (fill in the blank)____ . The issue and the details matter […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE THE WEEKEND EDITION DEC. 19-21, 2025) — One of the pleasures of writing a book for THE PLANET is the sales, marketing, and promotional phase. Many authors hate it, but, having been on the other side of the media for so long and in […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE WEDNESDAY DEC. 17, 2025) — The murder of Rob Reiner and his wife by their own son speaks of our drug-addled, spiritually bankrupt times. It illustrates how souls, number by the insane pace and pressures of what now passes for daily life, can fall […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE MONDAY DEC. 15, 2025) — Message to the incoming new council and school committee: There is only one issue in Bitchfield, from which all other problems stem. Can you guess what it is? You can name it in one word. Finances. It goes by […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION DEC. 12-4, 2025) — As THE PLANET was saying … Gunboat Un-Diplomacy: Under President Trump’s direct orders, U.S. military forces have blasted 22 drug-laden boats out of the Venezuelan waters. Some 86 narco-terrorists have died. The action, made necessary by Joe […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE DECEMBER 10, 2025) — No one can say THE PLANET hasn’t tried or didn’t offer. On Monday’s column, we offered a hand-up to the Sad Sack mayor of Bitchfield. Nothing. You know what we like to say: When the phone doesn’t ring, we know […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE MONDAY, FEAST OF THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION, 2025) — A few days ago, Mayor Lumpy lit Bitchfield’s Christmas tree. THE PLANET had our spies there. When it came time to flip the switch to light the midget evergreen, Peter Marchetti first had to stick […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE THE WEEKEND EDITION DEC. 5-7, 2025) — A couple items to share as we head to the weekend. Embargo This: We’ve seen a lot of things in our writing career, but we’ve never seen a politician hold a press conference then tell (not ask) […]
